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  • Writer's pictureHannah Larkin

Motivation and mental illness

Updated: Feb 13, 2022

I’ve been lacking much motivation to post recently, to do anything at all in all honesty, so I’m going to write about that!

Although not formally diagnose with depression, low mood is extremely common in those suffering with an eating disorders, or any mental disorder actually. Naturally you become more withdrawn as you ability to cope with social situations dwindles and life becomes a drag rather than dream. Energy to do anything from lack of nutrition or motivation from lack or hope in the future. Days blur into the same old same old and getting out of bed can feel almost painful.

Yesterday I spent 16 hours of the day sleeping, and that was without taking my meds. Being mentally present and conscious just feels a little too difficult right now and holding conversations feel rather torturous. It doesn’t help that the ward is in lockdown due to 4 covid cases meaning no time off it or visits. I also have scary meetings coming up and in all honesty, I’m tired.

I spoke to mum on FaceTime, well cried mostly. She suggested I go out for my daily walk and then as soon as I’m back, get straight into an activity rather than heading back to the bean bag on which I currently sleep, sulk and drink my supplements. So I did, and it helped a little. I still feel down though, and incredibly alone.

Sadness for no particular reason is such an lonely feeling. unlike grief, you can’t always pinpoint why you feel the way you do. It’s deeper in many ways, or maybe different. It can’t sometimes fixed with going out and about, seeing people you live or a matter on the phone. Sometimes it’s about accepting that today, that’s how you feel, and making the most out of it. Today, I did 15 minutes of my a level, a walk and FaceTimed mum. And for now, that’s okay.

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