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  • Writer's pictureHannah Larkin

Update- August 2022

On Friday I have an assessment with a psychiatrist, hopefully to get to the route or at least find some clarity on why is going on for me. It’s no secret I’ve struggled with anorexia but over the last few years, other issues have become more prominent and problematic leaving both myself and professionals rather confused at what is going on for me.

This Doctor has met me before as he used to work for the NHS and I like to think I trust him, which is quite a big thing for me given my rather bleak track record with health care professionals. However, I’m also terrified to open to him.

I’m not really sure where to start, it can often feel like a row of dominoes- if I let just one thing ‘out’, it’ll all come crumbling down. Scary stuff. I’ve committed to writing it down so incase I do find myself unable to speak or say what I want and need to say, I can give him the letter and let him take from that what he can.

One thing I really want to get to the route of is my drastic mood swings. I’ve had various labels floated by as well as it being put down to just plain malnourishment. Sometimes I feel sky high, like Mambo No.5 is blasting through my head and other times I feel sick with anxiety and hopelessness, fear completely overtaking my every thought so that I literally cannot function. I’m currently in a Mambo faze, adrenaline pumping through me and thoughts whizzing round and round. It’s pretty intense and pretty exhausting. I could talk and talk and talk in moments like this, I sometimes even get the urge to go on a run which if you know me, is incredibly out of character!

The unknown is scary but I’m also quite afraid to get answers because they may not be easy to process or quick to solve, if at all. But one day at a time, one hurdle at a time, one step a time.

I also want to thank anyone who donated to my go fund me as I’ll be using this money to be able to see this doctor 💙

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